kt_will_b_thin

This is how I feel right now...blah.

Pretty sure that when it rains it pours.

Seriously, I'm ready for a break from school. Finals are almost here. Only one more week of school then moving back home. YES. YES. YES.

I am feeling kinda sad too. This is not like me. I just feel like i'm floating around in...well nothing. That was a horrible explanation of how i'm really feeling, but i'm too damn lazy and pissy to figure out a better one.

Tomorrow i'll be better, ps.

OK It has been about 4 months since I last posted, wow! Here are a few things that have changed...
1) moved 6 hours away to go to college
2) play volleyball here at the college
3) miss home very much!

Although I have lost some more weight because of the volleyball, I have also been eating more. Which is ok, considering I was burning alot of calories anyway...but now season is over and I have already started to get back to my fasting ways. I know this is probably a bad habit to get back into, but I just can't help it. Especially since I don't have much money (not working right now because of volleyball) and can't really buy food anyway...ha! I am starting a part time job tomorrow, which is exciting, so that will keep me busy. Anyway, sorry I have been away for so long...for those of you who did check my journal regularly. I missed you all! I will be updating on a regular basis and I will be updating on all of your journals. Talk to you soon!

kT

Soooo I know I already posted today but I just to say one thing. I saw a few friends today that I haven't seen in only like...2 weeks MAX and they both said wow you're face looks so much thinner. I know that I lose the weight first in my face and shoulders, then my chest. The hard part will be my arms and legs...blah. I have not even though about how to conquer the tummy yet...still debating. Anyway, my gramma was in town...I love her so much! And she basically shoved a salad down my throat, blah. So I was only able to fast for a day. At least I only had the salad with some celery. I will be able to fast again Saturday night - Monday night at least. Wait, I have a huge family lunch on Sunday....I wonder how I can get out of eating...sigh. Maybe just a salad. I hate eating because of other people, I reall have no desire to. BLAH! Anyway, I also shopped today and bought some cute new shirts...all my others are getting baggy and I look ridiculous. It was good shopping, it was my thinspiration for the week! I think i'll always be at least a medium shirt..my boobies are just too large...grrrr. I wonder if those go away when you lose enough weight...hmm maybe in a year!
Well good night loves! :)

Hello hello...so I'm working on my fast (18 hours so far) I plan on going until Friday night because I might go have sushi that night yum..we'll see how I feel then. I weighed myself Tuesday night, i'm down another 2 lbs YAY!
So currently my stats...
5'6-7
Starting weight: 182
Current weight: 172 (dunno if that is right, as I have fasted for another day and will weigh myself this weekend)
First goal weight: 150 (by mid July)
Ending goal weight: 120 (by Sept)

I know I can get there...it's just a matter of losing all my muscle that is weighing my down so much. I used to play vball like crazy and they made me weight lift. I have moved on to a new time in my life and want it off me. Here are some progress pictures...not that huge of a difference but hey every little bit helps right?!

This was taken 10 days ago (6-12-06)

This was taken this morning (6-22-06)


Can anyone tell a difference? Most of pants are alot bigger feeling. I will take more of my body (arms, legs etc) in a few more weeks. Anyway, any tips or suggestions or even bad critisism would help! Thanks chickadees :) <3

OK SOOOO i'm finally sitting down to update...sorry guys! (because I know how interesting my day to day life is to ya'll..hehe :)
Anyway, eating is going good. Ate very little all weekend, fasted from Saturday night until Monday afternoon. Hope to start a fast again Wednesday night until at least Friday. I will also weigh myself on Thursday, (think so) if not then on Saturday. I am getting to the point where fasting for a day is no big deal, I don't even get dizzy. So...although that is probably not that great for my body, I'm kind of proud of my control. I love feeling like I have some power that other people don't. Because they give in and fill their bodies with gross disgusting food. Anyway, i'm hoping at the end of the month to take some progress pictures for you guys! HOPEFULLY there will be a difference. :)
I wish you all luck my lovelies! Let me know if you guys need anything...

kT

I don't know just how sick of a person you have to be to do this to yourself...but I just did. I purposely ate a piece of toast with peanut butter on it just to see if I coud purge it all up. Well...turns out..peanut butter doesn't come up well. My body wouldn't let it either...after eating barely anything for the last 2 weeks...apparently she was mad. I wasn't hungry...I did it as an experiment. I ate it in like 3 bites (to keep it in tact) and then marched into the bathroom...put up my hair...grabbed a kleenex and proceeded to test just how well I could purge. sigh...what is wrong with me?! i wish I knew someone online who could talk to me right now and help me....assure me that i'm not the only one out there like this...i can't be...right?

look at the pose...

hello hello all! SOOO just a quick update tonight. I fasted all day (only had tea and a diet coke). Needed the energy, as I only ate part of a lettuce apple salad yesterday and played volleyball for 3 hours. I went up to the gym and swam some laps in the pool. It felt so good on my body, to relax and "de-stress" my life. Also helped tame my tummy.

I see it all the time...people saying they are anorexic but they have such a hard time fasting and restricting. Well I honestly don't see how that makes sense....if you were a true ana then you would not struggle with the issue that much. I mean you may have your days where you let her down...but it wouldn't be a constant battle like it seems for alot of people on here. Anyway, just my two cents. Good luck all! stay strong!

Remember: Giving in to just one craving could mean gaining many lbs.

Ok so today I did SO great! Only ate a salad, just lettuce with no dressing. I started to eat a dinner salad that had apples in it when I went out with my volleyball team....but found a STICKER on the apple...so barely ate any of it!!! Funny how that is...it's like a sign telling me not to eat. Totally grossed me out...they probably didn't even wash the apple! UGHHH So I got the salad for free and only ate about 1/5 of it. Needless to say...what little appetite I had completely vanished after I saw that thing. SOOOO tomorrow i'm fasting completely (no volleyball, so I don't need anything for energy) Anyone want to join me? Lemme know on a comment!
Talk to you later lovies... :)

kT <3

Ok so, this post is going to be probably pretty long and annoying...so good luck reading it!
Today is Sunday, the actual first day of the new week (not Monday, which seems completely more realistic) Most people hate this day, I know I did when I was in school...it meant...tomorrow is back to the daily grind, the last day to sleep in. However, today I actually feel good about myself. It marks the end of the first week of my strict diet and strict lifestyle. I haven't eaten today and I feel so awesome. So empowered. All I have drank is a Starbucks unsweetened passion tea (right now as I'm writing this downtown at Starbucks, kinda relaxing down here too). I did eat a few mushrooms and a piece of chicken but sure enough ran straight to the bathroom and purged. I tried to keep it down...I really did, but I just felt so sick as soon as it slowly made its way down my throat. It's sad because I actually kind of measured how much food I ate because deep down I knew it was going to get thrown up. That way, I would know later if I had gotten it all back up or if it was still in my stomach. Does that seem extrememly sad to you guys?!

This week I am going to push myself even more. I am going to go every other day fasting. I have to eat a little on Monday and Wednesday because i'm playing in volleyball tournaments and don't want to faint in the middle of the court. That would just be horrible, plus I don't want to play bad because i'm light headed...I would let my whole team down. The rest of the days I will just drink lots of water and perhaps some tea. I'm having really bad anxiety for many reasons...work..family........weight. So i'm going to try my best just to relax this week. Maybe sun bathe...if I don't look too gross in my swim suit, read and write. Writing helps so much. I give this advice to you all...

Relax. Relax. Relax.

Love you guys! <3

Ok I did SOOO awesome today. I am starting out restricting and soon will be fasting next week hopefully. All I ate today was some sushi (which is really good for you) and a red bull. I love it!

I love how I feel when i'm completely empty. The rest of me just feels complete.

ALRIGHT sorry I haven't posted much...not like I have that many friends anyway. But FINALLY i'm feeling better. I had mono and pnuemonia all at once...lost a bunch of weight but gained some back due to no energy. I am back to restricting...even less than 500 cals a day. Go me. Actually I know how bad I am. I have been downing No Doz and NV pills to stop my appetite. But really I am not hungry even w/o them. Just makes me sick to see food now. Alright well i'm off for a walk...going to get my iPod and jam out! (might come back and post later) BYE!

Ok so lately i've been continuing on my diet and i'm doing hella good. Suprisingly! I will weigh myself Monday to see the results..I'm sooo excited. I am eating nothing but healthy and I better feel at LEAST a bit smaller...even if the pounds aren't that great. I'm more interested in looser fitting clothes. I'm going to step up the exercising as well. More crunches etc...I do enough cardio but should start toning certain areas that I know won't go away easily. My parents are pretty supportive of me...although they don't exactly know how drastic i've become. Good thing I live alone! Went to the gyno yesterday...bleh...and they drew some blood. Hopefully nothing comes back bad! Ok well this weekend should be challenging...arg...I have a wedding reception on Sunday. The cake is going to be SO tempting....sigh. OH well, one piece of cake is not worth ruining 2 weeks of hard work. HONESTLY! I'm past the point of giving in to cravings. I can eat some of that food when i'm at my goal.

What we don't realize is...that food we crave and love SO much is really what is torturing us and punishing us. We love what hurts us the most.

Ok so this is my first post. I am currently on my most drastic-personal life path. I am trying to get my weight down to 125-130. I am at about 175-180 at 5'7. I feel so unhealthy. I don't feel beautiful. I know I have a great personality and now I just want a body to match it. My family loves me for how I am and I know that is what really is important. But really, how happy can you be if you aren't happy with yourself?

I have before pictures that I took a few days ago and I will post them eventually. I am a bit embarassed to do so, but I am going to wait a few weeks to a month with some new ones to see if there is any difference in my weight.

I don't eat much, actually I have barely eaten in the last week. I am starting a 28 day plan of food, water, and exercise. My calories are under 800 and I exercise for at least an hour and drink 64 oz of water. I feel like I have power over myself. I feel like i'm high.